What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
08.06.2025 01:32
He resisted the act ,that day.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Is there an MBTI personality that is more or less likely to handle stress?
I never cut or harmed myself..
He knew the spot.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Why did you put a guy’s dick in your mouth the first time?
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
But ive been too sick for many years..
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
My life is so biszare .
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
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Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Im dying but, im not bitter.
We were not on the streets..
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I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Why didn't Taylor Swift do Taylor Swift (Taylors version)?
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Put me off passion for life!!
Why did i forgive my father ?
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She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
What is the best technique for inserting a tampon into one’s anus?
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
As i do to all so called friends.?
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Why would an older small breed dog become obsessive about hygiene?
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I was seconnd youngest,
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I will be 64.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
She loved him until the end.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I could never make a relationship work though!
So, i spoilt her more .
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
This is soul school!.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Ive learnt so much.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I have no regrets .
(And it was in our own minds.)
I said to her
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
What did i know ?
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I was 9 years of age.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
This is how, and why children get BPD.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Was to survive, this bastard.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Im still living with it.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Would this be the day?
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I was scared of men, in general
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Who then, do I blame.?
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
When she asked me how she looked .
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
She wouldn,t have been !
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
We all went to grammer schools
My family never makes their pension either.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
But it wasn’t much.
I couldn’t, believe it.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
It was going to be , some day.
I think the readers, may guess!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
But, we were locked up after school.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
And who doesn’t know suffering?
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
All the time i was locked up.
She was in good health!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I was very sick at this time too.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I waited trembling.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I write beautiful poetry .
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
One cannot live in the past .
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I don,t even have a pension.
Comes on , in middle age.
And i lived it daily.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
She married twice! .
So whats the point in blame.
She found it foreign!.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..